


Penis Coladas

by honesty



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Established Barry Allen/Oliver Queen, M/M, and i proofread it and here it is, cutesy oneshot, for real this is honestly such a crappy fic, i wrote this a year ago, penis coladas, really crap sorry, sorry it's crap, the joke came from my girlfriend, this is such a fuckin joke honestly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 08:57:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11078277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honesty/pseuds/honesty
Summary: in which a loud club creates one of the best puns of all time.





	Penis Coladas

“So, this is your boyfriend’s club?"

Caitlin, Cisco, and Barry stood outside Verdant, eyes taking in the dilapidated state of the site. It hadn’t helped that the club was in a particular seedy part of Starling City, but Barry insisted that they go tonight. Apparently it was important for them to be there.

“Cait, he does have a name.”

Barry sighed at Caitlin’s reluctance to call his boyfriend by his name.

“Barry, you’re literally dating the Green Arrow. I think that’s pretty damn cool!”

Cisco clapped his hands together, causing the other two to look at him. 

“I need to think of a good superhero ship name. Cait, help me out here.” 

“Ship name? What the hell is a ship name?” 

Barry’s question was unheard over the muttering from the pair. 

“Green Flash?” 

“Reminds me too much of Reverse Flash. I’ll pass.” 

Barry sighed and turned away, looking to the large glowing green ‘V’ that hung in the front at a worrying angle. 

“Guys, let’s go in. I don’t want to be standing in this cold for much longer.” 

Barry walked through the side entrance, entering a small room, lit sparingly, with the loud music audible through the second door. He shrugged off his coat and passed it to the person standing in front of the coat check, with Cisco and Caitlin doing the same. They looked to each other, then pushed open the doors to Verdant. 

_Time to bite the bullet _, Barry thought.__

__“My boyfriend should be here somewhere,” Barry yelled. “Let me go find him.”_ _

__Cisco nodded at Barry, who left the duo and walked to the bar._ _

__“Can I get two piña coladas, and a-.”_ _

__“A rum and a coke.”_ _

__A familiar voice interrupted his order, and Barry turned to see his boyfriend leaning on the bar, smiling at him._ _

__“Oli!”_ _

__Barry wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s neck, kissing him with delight._ _

__“Hey Barry, glad you could make it.”_ _

__Barry smiled and tilted his head slightly._ _

__“I had to be here for my boyfriend’s club’s opening. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I weren’t? Anyway, I need to give these drinks to Cisco and Caitlin, but I won’t be one second. Stay here.”_ _

__Oli nodded, grabbing a seat at the bar._ _

__As Barry navigated through the swarm of dancing bodies, he found Cisco and Caitlin near a wall, dancing together. It made for a cute scene, seeing the two friends dancing and having fun. He approached the pair._ _

__“I got you guys piña coladas.”_ _

__“Penis coriander?”_ _

__“Penis colanders?”_ _

__“Piña coladas.”_ _

__Cisco ‘ahh’ed in understanding, grabbing one from Barry and taking a massive sip._ _

__“God, Barry, bless your soul.”_ _

__Caitlin thanked Barry as he passed the second cocktail cup to her, taking a sip as well._ _

__“So, where’s your mystery man?”_ _

__Barry shrugged in faux innocence._ _

__“I have no idea. I should go look for him.”_ _

__Caitlin swatted his arm lightly._ _

__“Look for your mystery man, Flash.”_ _

__Barry smiled and shook his head, making his way back to the bar. He realised the cup containing his rum and coke was empty, save for a melting ice cube. Barry crept up behind Oli and wrapped his arms around his neck._ _

__Oli started in surprise, then turned around and grumpily stared at Barry’s grin._ _

__“That wasn’t funny.”_ _

__“Yeah, it kinda was.”_ _

__Oliver smiled slightly, and Barry took the chance- grabbing his hand and dragging him outside to the coat check. He smiled at the employee guarding the door, who looked surprised that Oliver was there, and pulled Oli inside the darkened room._ _

__“Barry, what the hell?”_ _

__He grabbed Oli’s face and kissed him hard, and Oliver understood why Barry had brought him into the room. Lifting Barry up, Oli pushed him against the wall and began kissing him intensely, and Barry groaned into Oli’s mouth, then pulled off Oli’s shirt._ _

__“We need to-. We need stuff.”_ _

__Barry whispered those words against Oli’s lips, and he could feel Oli’s mouth curving into a smile._ _

__“I’m so prepared, aren’t I?”_ _

__Barry reached into Oli’s back pocket- totally not fondling his chest nor groping his butt, thank you very much- and pulled out the condom. Barry then sat Oli down and straddled his legs, kissing him messily. It was then the lights flickered on._ _

__“Barry? _Oliver Queen _? What the hell is going on?”___ _

___Barry groaned and buried his head into Oli’s bare neck._ _ _

___He was so screwed._ _ _

___ _

___ _

___The next morning, Barry woke up in his room, feeling Oli’s naked form encompassing him. He smiled to himself slightly, and let himself bask in the warm feelings that the moment made. A sharp knock on his bedroom door interrupted his thoughts._ _ _

___“Come in.”_ _ _

___Cisco and Caitlin walked into the room, holding a bed tray holder with a metal lid. As Cisco approached the bed, Oliver stirred, and woke up._ _ _

___“What’s going on, Barry?"_ _ _

___Barry looked to Oli._ _ _

___“Don’t worry about it, babe.”_ _ _

___Caitlin smiled inwardly as Cisco held up the tray._ _ _

___“Good morning Barry, _Oliver _.”___ _ _

___Cisco looked to Barry meaningfully, and Barry groaned into his hand._ _ _

___“I made breakfast for you.”_ _ _

___Caitlin stood next to Cisco, who had just placed the tray of food on top on Barry’s lap._ _ _

___“C’mon, Barry, open it up.”_ _ _

___Barry cautiously opened the lid, and saw two glasses of a familiar concoction, and a stack of pancakes shaped like- seriously Cisco?- penises, with strategically placed swirls of whipped cream._ _ _

___“Oh my god, Cisco. Really?”_ _ _

___Barry buried his head into his hands as Oli chuckled quietly._ _ _

___“I mean, you did give us ‘penis coladas’ last night.”_ _ _

___Caitlin smiled at the memory. “You need to learn how to dictate your words, Barry.”_ _ _

___“Cait and I had penis coladas last night, you had a penis, and now you have both! Enjoy.”_ _ _

___Barry turned and hugged Oli, burying his face into his neck in shame. He felt the warmth spread from his cheeks down to his chest._ _ _

___“Oh, I’ll make sure Barry enjoys his penises.”_ _ _

___Oli’s voice interrupted Caitlin and Cisco leaving._ _ _

___Caitlin turned around, disgust written on her face._ _ _

___“Barry, I swear to god, keep it down. You too, Oli. Olivarry can’t work if there’s nobody to ship it, if they’re all dead from cringing because they hear their best friend screaming out in pleasure.”_ _ _

___With that, the pair slammed the bedroom door behind them._ _ _

___“What the hell is a ‘Olivarry’?"_ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> i am so sorry you had to read this
> 
> also, fuck formatting


End file.
